“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.” ~ Ester Perel

Working with Couples

I choose the above quote by Ester Perel because I feel it helps illustrate part of the complexity of being in an intimate relationship. We want to have a strong bond and be able to depend on our partner, at the same time we value our capacity to be independent. Navigating this tension plays a big part in how well a couple functions. Firstly being able to recognise what your partner needs and then being in a position to provide that is difficult to align and often brings the relationship into conflict.

How do we navigate situations when each partner has differing needs? Well, it involves compromise and acceptance. The focus is on understanding the underlying reasons that may be preventing you and your partner from connecting. These reasons can be linked to past experiences, emotional patterns, or unmet needs. Whether the issue is rooted in childhood experiences, previous relationships, or current challenges, my approach is centred on helping you gain clarity and control over your situation.

At the same time, it is important to try and understand whether you both feel that you are able and willing to put the work into solving the differences and difficulties in your relationship. Sometimes you need to accept that this is not the case, and having a couples counsellor there to work through how best to end the relationship can help create a positive end.

“We can make ourselves miserable or we can make ourselves strong. The amount of effort is the same.” ~ Pema Chödrön